It has been difficult to get down what I wanted to say in this post, and its still not everything I want it to be. Its taken some time since Stephen’s passing for me to put it all together.Last Wednesday I received a text from my friend that said Stephen Brown had died. I got a knot in my stomach that didn’t release until some hours later, my eyes swelled with tears, and I felt my face flush. I was in total shock.
As an undergrad I attended the Hartford Art School, where Stephen, a successful and eminently talented realist painter, was a professor, and head of the Painting and Graduate Painting departments. My first memory of Stephen was before I knew him properly. I attended the faculty exhibition my sophomore year and saw his work for the first time. His pieces were heartbreaking and understatedly powerful drawings of Stephen’s father in a hospital bed, some weeks before he would die. His eyes were closed while tubes and wires of all sorts seemed to accost his soft, worn face. The final image was of his father, slack-jawed, at rest, free from oppressive life support and monitoring, some few moments after passing.
I was greatly moved, as was everyone, by both the unvarnished pain and emotion of the pieces, and of the bravery and vulnerability of Stephen’s, for making them, and showing them. I would learn that these pieces were truly indicative of Stephen’s traits, and come to see that he cherished opportunities to share personal struggles and triumphs with others, and that he drew great joy from sharing the lives of others.
The first time I met Stephen was on the first day of a course called Traditional Drawing 2. He opened the class with a discussion about what the word Traditional meant to us. After a couple days of some life-drawing from nature, he brought every student into his office individually and began a dialogue with each of us about what we care about, and what we want to make art about, which, for me, was a conversation which continued with him for the latter half of college.
He became a true mentor for me, and although he didn’t always quite understand what I was trying to say, and I didn’t always quite know how to say what I thought, that dialogue has been one of the most important experiences of my life as an artist, and ultimately as a person. We began talking about drawing; he took an interest in my talent, and ever tried to challenge me with new assignments which stretched my abilities, as he offered advice and guidance.
Through his personal style of teaching, he opened up about his father, and his family through discussions about his art, and artists we talked about. Our conversations unfurled over the two year period, to talk about our childhoods, the foods we loved, and the sports we cherished. We talked poetry often, we were both great admirers of William Carlos Williams, especially of Spring and All – he loved it for the terse, elegant, imagist poems like The Red Wheelbarrow, which he would recite from time-to-time.
We talked much about what art was, the ambitions of a young artist, and the confidence of a middle-aged one.
He turned me on to Ben Shahn’s The Shape of Content, Leo Tolstoy’s What is Art?, and the work of Arthur Danto.
He said “put your drawings up, and challenge the other students to do better.”
He said “You’re one of the easiest students I’ve ever had to teach – I tell you to do something, and you do it exactly how I meant it.”
He said “You’ve got an impressive talent”
He said “This isn’t good enough. I’m disappointed.”
He yelled “You’re late! Nobody else was late!”
He chuckled “Oh, I wasn’t mad, I just said that to scare the new guys.”
He said “I know you can do it. Now go work your ass off.”
He did ridiculous things, like hammer a hole in a wall in his office to see if there was a window behind it, to amuse another teacher. He hung a painting over the hole, and told me “Shit, Zach, seriously, Tom can never find out about this – I’m on tenure track!”
He went out for Mexican food, and to local bars with students, and talked about life, and art with us.
He groused about the beauty of the days and the absurdity of being inside painting, and ordered us to come play ultimate Frisbee with him from time to time.
On class breaks we would walk over to the commons and buy tacos from Taco Bell, and enjoy them while he talked about grad school and what he was painting in his studio.
We didn’t always see eye-to-eye. My interests grew out from traditional drawing and painting to more conceptual work, which was not where his own artistic interests were. But he knew I was following my passions, and no matter what the idea, he always encouraged me, and offered guidance.
He told me he was proud of my work and that I should be too. I cant tell you how much that meant to me.
He gave me a copy of a catalogue of a show of recent work at his gallery. He wrote me a note in it, which began with the address: “My Friend Zach.”
His sickness followed him through his life. I don’t wish to dwell on it. When he returned from a semester away, due to a stroke, he cried as he imparted his travails to our class. His bravery, and honesty, and vulnerability were his strength. And he shared his strength with anyone who would talk to him.
All of these fragments and memories, images, and sounds rushed over me when I heard that he had died.
When I heard about Stephen’s death, I was teaching a night class at the museum I work at. After I wiped away some tears in the bathroom, I thought about telling my students I needed to leave. But then I thought that maybe this was the perfect place to be, right then. Doing what Stephen taught me, through the way he worked with me. Trying to pass on my passion and interest in art to other people. The class was a painting class that emphasized developing series, personal projects, and style. It’s a class I developed over the last year, and is the third consecutive semester of its running. The class has grown from six to twelve, most of the original six still here.
Over the four years I’ve been teaching I’ve worked to emulate the personal style that Stephen had. I talk to my students individually and always encourage them to try new things, and follow their passions. We end up talking about their lives, their families, their loves, and their sorrows, as we talk about their art, and what they want to do with it. I hope that I can begin to encourage even one of my students as much as Stephen inspired all of his.
After class my girlfriend Kara met me at the museum. I told her about Stephen, who she didn’t get a chance to meet, to my great regret. I cried as I tried to tell her. I decided there was only one proper way to end the evening. We drove over to the late night Taco Bell in town, and had a taco for Stephen.
I regretted for some time that I never got the name of a quote he talked to me about often. It was from a book of poems I cant remember the name of, by a poet I cant remember the name of. The line was “we must dare to delight.” If I had read it myself, I would not have paid it any mind. It was how he talked about it, that will insure that it will always remain with me. He talked about it as words which told us we must enjoy this life – that there will always be hardship; always be poverty; always be heartbreak; always be cancer; always be death. But that we cannot let those things envelope us. He said it was a courageous act, to delight in this world, and that it is more important than anything else. We must delight in each other; in love; in art; in beauty; in nature; in humor.
When I heard that Stephen had died, that quote eluded me. I was so overwhelmed with sadness, that I would never see my friend again, that I didn’t remember what I was supposed to be brave about. But the day of his service, some hours before I drove out to say goodbye, I was with Kara, getting ready. And one time, right before I wanted to kiss her, I paused and thought about my sadness. But then I thought about that quote for the first time in a long time, and his words. And I dared to delight. And I kissed her.
In the end, I’m glad I cant remember the poem, or the poet. I might not have liked it. I might not have liked the poet. Now I attribute the line to Stephen. And it will never whither, or lessen in reminiscence. Stephen lived his life, daring to delight in others, and nature, and himself. And I only hope that I can follow in his footsteps and do the same.
On the day of my graduation I gave Stephen a letter. In the letter I told him how much our relationship has meant to me, and among other things, that I wanted to thank him for being a great teacher, mentor, and friend. And that I wouldnt be the person that I am today without him. I saw him only one more time after that day. I visited the school the next year. I put my hand out to shake (unsure what would be appropriate), and was pleased that he opened his arms for a hug. We talked for a last time in person that day, about art, about poetry, and about tacos.
We spoke through email from time-to-time, but I regret very much that I wasnt able to see him again. But it gives me much comfort that I gave him that letter, and told him how much he meant to me.
Stephen was my friend.
I loved him.
And I will miss him greatly.
As an undergrad I attended the Hartford Art School, where Stephen, a successful and eminently talented realist painter, was a professor, and head of the Painting and Graduate Painting departments. My first memory of Stephen was before I knew him properly. I attended the faculty exhibition my sophomore year and saw his work for the first time. His pieces were heartbreaking and understatedly powerful drawings of Stephen’s father in a hospital bed, some weeks before he would die. His eyes were closed while tubes and wires of all sorts seemed to accost his soft, worn face. The final image was of his father, slack-jawed, at rest, free from oppressive life support and monitoring, some few moments after passing.
I was greatly moved, as was everyone, by both the unvarnished pain and emotion of the pieces, and of the bravery and vulnerability of Stephen’s, for making them, and showing them. I would learn that these pieces were truly indicative of Stephen’s traits, and come to see that he cherished opportunities to share personal struggles and triumphs with others, and that he drew great joy from sharing the lives of others.
The first time I met Stephen was on the first day of a course called Traditional Drawing 2. He opened the class with a discussion about what the word Traditional meant to us. After a couple days of some life-drawing from nature, he brought every student into his office individually and began a dialogue with each of us about what we care about, and what we want to make art about, which, for me, was a conversation which continued with him for the latter half of college.
He became a true mentor for me, and although he didn’t always quite understand what I was trying to say, and I didn’t always quite know how to say what I thought, that dialogue has been one of the most important experiences of my life as an artist, and ultimately as a person. We began talking about drawing; he took an interest in my talent, and ever tried to challenge me with new assignments which stretched my abilities, as he offered advice and guidance.
Through his personal style of teaching, he opened up about his father, and his family through discussions about his art, and artists we talked about. Our conversations unfurled over the two year period, to talk about our childhoods, the foods we loved, and the sports we cherished. We talked poetry often, we were both great admirers of William Carlos Williams, especially of Spring and All – he loved it for the terse, elegant, imagist poems like The Red Wheelbarrow, which he would recite from time-to-time.
We talked much about what art was, the ambitions of a young artist, and the confidence of a middle-aged one.
He turned me on to Ben Shahn’s The Shape of Content, Leo Tolstoy’s What is Art?, and the work of Arthur Danto.
He said “put your drawings up, and challenge the other students to do better.”
He said “You’re one of the easiest students I’ve ever had to teach – I tell you to do something, and you do it exactly how I meant it.”
He said “You’ve got an impressive talent”
He said “This isn’t good enough. I’m disappointed.”
He yelled “You’re late! Nobody else was late!”
He chuckled “Oh, I wasn’t mad, I just said that to scare the new guys.”
He said “I know you can do it. Now go work your ass off.”
He did ridiculous things, like hammer a hole in a wall in his office to see if there was a window behind it, to amuse another teacher. He hung a painting over the hole, and told me “Shit, Zach, seriously, Tom can never find out about this – I’m on tenure track!”
He went out for Mexican food, and to local bars with students, and talked about life, and art with us.
He groused about the beauty of the days and the absurdity of being inside painting, and ordered us to come play ultimate Frisbee with him from time to time.
On class breaks we would walk over to the commons and buy tacos from Taco Bell, and enjoy them while he talked about grad school and what he was painting in his studio.
We didn’t always see eye-to-eye. My interests grew out from traditional drawing and painting to more conceptual work, which was not where his own artistic interests were. But he knew I was following my passions, and no matter what the idea, he always encouraged me, and offered guidance.
He told me he was proud of my work and that I should be too. I cant tell you how much that meant to me.
He gave me a copy of a catalogue of a show of recent work at his gallery. He wrote me a note in it, which began with the address: “My Friend Zach.”
His sickness followed him through his life. I don’t wish to dwell on it. When he returned from a semester away, due to a stroke, he cried as he imparted his travails to our class. His bravery, and honesty, and vulnerability were his strength. And he shared his strength with anyone who would talk to him.
All of these fragments and memories, images, and sounds rushed over me when I heard that he had died.
When I heard about Stephen’s death, I was teaching a night class at the museum I work at. After I wiped away some tears in the bathroom, I thought about telling my students I needed to leave. But then I thought that maybe this was the perfect place to be, right then. Doing what Stephen taught me, through the way he worked with me. Trying to pass on my passion and interest in art to other people. The class was a painting class that emphasized developing series, personal projects, and style. It’s a class I developed over the last year, and is the third consecutive semester of its running. The class has grown from six to twelve, most of the original six still here.
Over the four years I’ve been teaching I’ve worked to emulate the personal style that Stephen had. I talk to my students individually and always encourage them to try new things, and follow their passions. We end up talking about their lives, their families, their loves, and their sorrows, as we talk about their art, and what they want to do with it. I hope that I can begin to encourage even one of my students as much as Stephen inspired all of his.
After class my girlfriend Kara met me at the museum. I told her about Stephen, who she didn’t get a chance to meet, to my great regret. I cried as I tried to tell her. I decided there was only one proper way to end the evening. We drove over to the late night Taco Bell in town, and had a taco for Stephen.
I regretted for some time that I never got the name of a quote he talked to me about often. It was from a book of poems I cant remember the name of, by a poet I cant remember the name of. The line was “we must dare to delight.” If I had read it myself, I would not have paid it any mind. It was how he talked about it, that will insure that it will always remain with me. He talked about it as words which told us we must enjoy this life – that there will always be hardship; always be poverty; always be heartbreak; always be cancer; always be death. But that we cannot let those things envelope us. He said it was a courageous act, to delight in this world, and that it is more important than anything else. We must delight in each other; in love; in art; in beauty; in nature; in humor.
When I heard that Stephen had died, that quote eluded me. I was so overwhelmed with sadness, that I would never see my friend again, that I didn’t remember what I was supposed to be brave about. But the day of his service, some hours before I drove out to say goodbye, I was with Kara, getting ready. And one time, right before I wanted to kiss her, I paused and thought about my sadness. But then I thought about that quote for the first time in a long time, and his words. And I dared to delight. And I kissed her.
In the end, I’m glad I cant remember the poem, or the poet. I might not have liked it. I might not have liked the poet. Now I attribute the line to Stephen. And it will never whither, or lessen in reminiscence. Stephen lived his life, daring to delight in others, and nature, and himself. And I only hope that I can follow in his footsteps and do the same.
On the day of my graduation I gave Stephen a letter. In the letter I told him how much our relationship has meant to me, and among other things, that I wanted to thank him for being a great teacher, mentor, and friend. And that I wouldnt be the person that I am today without him. I saw him only one more time after that day. I visited the school the next year. I put my hand out to shake (unsure what would be appropriate), and was pleased that he opened his arms for a hug. We talked for a last time in person that day, about art, about poetry, and about tacos.
We spoke through email from time-to-time, but I regret very much that I wasnt able to see him again. But it gives me much comfort that I gave him that letter, and told him how much he meant to me.
Stephen was my friend.
I loved him.
And I will miss him greatly.









